Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
