Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
