So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
