Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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