never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
