I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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