Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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