John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
