dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Hippo gnu deer
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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