Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
