my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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