Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
