Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
