they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
