I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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