It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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