did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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