Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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