Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It was a blind-side dick pic.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
