Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
