Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
