If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
