Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
