my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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