I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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