the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
