That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
