sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
