is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
