READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Randomize
