he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Fuck appropriateness.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
