You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
