Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
