woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
