you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
