I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
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