i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
