sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize