a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
