then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
