When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
