I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
