i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Two words: nipple clamps
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