just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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