My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
