smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
