Swine flu. Run for my life!
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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