Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
