My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
