I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
