The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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