dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
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