my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
